When Olivia was first diagnosed with High Risk B Cell Acute Lymphoblastic Leukemia, we were in the hospital for 2 weeks. It was truly one of the darkest times of our lives, as I'm sure you can imagine. Not only did my husband and I watch our 4year old get ripped away from us (literally) to get sedated for surgery, but during that time, she started chemo, started steroids, and pretty immediately started battling an infection all within a few days. She went from a pretty normal kid to changing into a totally different person. If you have ever had to take steroids as an adult, you probably can't even imagine what they can do to a child.
When we got home, everything was a blur. Adjusting to this new reality, the home medications, how to administer them to a child who'd never taken medications prior, how to comfort our then 3yr old who missed her family immensely and was not allowed to visit her sister, how to explain what was going on and why her sister didn't want to play, I mean the list goes on.
Obviously, my artwork was not completely forefront in my mind. However, this painting is the image I could not get out of my head when reflecting on the events of that first month. Cancer had come in like an absolute wrecking ball not only in each of my family members' individual lives, but into literally everything we'd known prior. From phone calls we had to make cancelling summer camps, school, and activities that the girls were enrolled in, to our daily routine and ensuring we had childcare lined up for our weekly (and frequently multiple times a week) appointments and infusions, it touched everything. I went from a stay-at-home-mom/small business owner/artist to adding an additional role of full time caregiver and momcologist. My husband worked at his full time job from home to not only continue providing for our family, but to also care for our 3yr old when we didn't have extra hands and take care of everything else that was falling through the cracks.
When I finally had time to paint, I knew exactly what I needed to do to get this image out of my head. It flowed so naturally and came together exactly how I imagined it, maybe even better. Using acrylic paints, I laid the background in. Then, I found a wooden heart and broke it into these pieces with my hands. CATHARTIC, and luckily it wasn't something larger because I might have done more damage. When I finished, it was almost like the iconic scene in the original mean girls when Regina finishes the burn book. I was immensely proud of when I had created. I still am. This piece is even more beautiful in person. Despite how many times I've tried to capture it, I can't seem to do it justice. The glimmer of the heart is so bright in the right lighting and I think it just really speaks to the hope we can have and how quickly it can turn from fear and desperation back to hope and perseverance in such a short time.
Comments